


Corsets and Gunfire

by Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon Universe, Death, Drunk Sex, F/M, Heartbreak, Loss of Virginity, Love, Multi, NSFW, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Levi, Romance, Shotgunning, paralles, this is all about paralles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:19:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface/pseuds/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface
Summary: "Well... My mother would have killed me if she knew that I have a man unlacing my corset and that I am no longer a virgin because of him. She would have killed me twice if she knew that this man and I are not...""Together?""Yes, sir"~ I had major inspiration vibes by an amazing piece of art of @ask-secretrivamika on Tumblr and basically the last sentence in the first chapter comes from this post~





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for clicking on this! This is my new series and I hope you guys love as much as you loved The Snow Keeps Falling!
> 
> Please enjoy and leave a comment if you do!

Erwin swears to himself that he's never going to mention military balls to Hange ever again. He contemplates on whether he's going to tell her to shut her mouth or dismiss her without going into further detail, because her over excitement is unbearable at the moment, while his head is throbbing in pain, but he knows that he has to put up with that for the time being.

"I can't bother to go there at this point but they insist on wanting at least one of the higher ups with his double one."

"And we're sending Levi? And I'm supposed to chose his plus one!" Hange exclaims excitedly and her eyes shine with happiness. It's been a while since she's given the chance to practice her matchmaking skills on anyone and she's so overwhelmed that Erwin is trusting her with this.

"Hange this is all about diplomacy. The Wall's been breached and now they invite us to the annual military ball." Hange suddenly stiffens as Erwin blinks his cold blue eyes into hers and she proceeds to simple nod as a response; she realises that it's indeed a serious matter of diplomacy for the Scouts so there's obviously no place for careless behaviors. There's not a single hint of that glorious excitement on her face anymore, even if that was written all over it some more seconds ago. 

"I'll go downtown with cadet (L/n) of Mike's squad tomorrow for her to chose a fit then sir. If you agree with my choice I might as well be dissmissed." 

"Very well Hange. Please also arrange that both Levi and miss (L/n) get the day after the ball off." Hange once again nods before she starts walking towards the door, and finally excusing herself as she takes her leave from the commander's room

________

 

"Hange no! I don't even know how to dance!"

"That's not an excuse you know."

Hange is basically dragging you through the barracks and towards your carriage at this point; it's always been obvious that she can't take no for as an answer but you're deeply worried about your squad leader and how's he's going to react to you slacking off the moment he sees you at his door, dressed in casual garments. You can almost hear him scolding you and telling you that you cannot go downtown and that, especially at the young of your age, you should not by any means miss training.

 

But no. He simply smiles and tells you you look delightful and refreshed in your casual dress and waves you and Hange off, even telling you to have fun. Not long after receiving permission from your squad leader, Hange forces you into the carriage and you spent the next thirty minutes talking about the ball. Details on what you're expected to wear, on how you're expected to speak and who you're expected to speak to, as well as who you'll be accompanying.

You'd be lying of you said that you didn't feel some sort of happiness once you heard you'd be Levi's plus one but there was no way you could show that feeling. It's been months ever since the two of you did the uspeakable and as a matter of fact the two of you had decided against ever speaking about it again for various reasons. One of them beai g that both of you had had a bit of liquor in your bloodstream that night and bold decisions under such influence should be excused. Having the opportunity to accompany him to that ball though seemed really bright for you though, because you'd get to spend some more time with him outside the military life just like it had been up to a few months ago. 

 

"We're here! You're gonna love the lady who runs this store!" Hange exclaims and for the first time for today you smile at her and nod I agreement. Might as well pick something nice, you think and position yourself to step down of the carriage.

______

 

"Blue would be an excellent choice! I'll bring you more patters my dear!" 

You can't shake how nice this lady is and how patiently she's treating your demanding ass. She has sampled quite a few delicate cloths with extravagant colors and patterns on them and yet you seem to not be pleased with any of them, because the thought of your mother and her words always comes in your head. She's always told you that a girl of your class should avoid gowns with patterns and always opt for minimal pastel colored dresses, just like she always did.

"Perhaps you should show me those beautiful pastel shades there ma'am. I grew up in a farm, wearing patters, vibrant colors and saten dresses will make me look utterly ridiculous." You say, your tone lingering on the low because you are so embarrassed to have her go through such effort to find something that you, a hunter's daughter would like. 

"This shade looks so nice on you (Y/n)!"

(A/n → see the shade right here babes https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0250/5534/products/Nude_online_shop_grande.jpg?v=1530600828 )

"And the fabric is really nice too. Nothing too fancy!" Hange adds and moves her hand to adjust her frames onto her nose.

"Ah I see darling. I've always had an amazing design in mind for this one, ever since it came." The lady smiles and bring out what seems like a sketchbook from the pocket of her apron. She is searching through the pages for the design she has in mind and you take note of all the beautiful designs she has there; clothes for ladies of upper class than yours with so maybe ribbons and trims and lace and they honestly amaze you because what girl like you wouldn't be jealous of such dresses.

Right when you think you'll never going to see a design that could much your social and military status, the lady stops at a page that pays homage to a very minimalistic design. It's an evening gown with a broad deep neckline that stands almost almost off the shoulder. A beautiful plaeted bertha that reaches until where the end of the breasts should be, emphasizes the pointed waist of the bodice. The skirt is as simple as it can get, with beautiful pleats and a lace trim at the end that matches the trim of the loose sleeves.

"Ah! It's so elegant! We love this one!" Hange holds back a scream as she speaks because she can only imagine how good this dress will look on you. It's no secret that you are one of the really good looking Scouts and for some reason she wishes to see you in a dress, like a proper lady.

"Would you be kind enough as to undress so I can measure you, love?" 

You blink rapidly at this. You're a little ashamed of yourself for not wearing underwear that ladies should wear because your mother always told you that ladies should wear men's underwear but you haven't had the chance to get your hands on anything lady like ever since you became a soldier. Not that you wanted to any way. Yet, the need to apologise run through you.

"I must apologise ma'am. I'm not wearing undergarments that are appropriate for a lady. Please don't judge me based on this."

"(Y/n), the lady knows we are soldiers. She won't judge. But please lady Mathilda add the essential undergarments in our order. And don't forget the corset."

________

 

"Levi's clothes for balls are always tailored, so he's definitely going to look good!" Nanaba says as she takes a look at your dress that is hanging from your dresser waiting to be worn.

"Ah yes, Levi can never look bad, but I'm sure that you'll be as beautiful as the man in a while." 

You flinch as Hange starts pulling on the straps that are supposed to lace your corset. You had almost forgotten how painful this has always been for you. When your mother used to lace your corset ever since you wear a kid, just to get you used to the garment she would always tighten it so much that you couldn't even breath, not caring that this wasn't how tight it was supposed to be.

You can feel Hange's foot resting on the small of your back as she starts pulling the straps once again and you take a deep breath, hoping this will end soon. You hate corsets with all your might and back then you'd wished you'd never had to wear once again when you chose to be a soldier but here you are.

"Ah, fucking hell this is going to bruise me Hange, are you sure this is the proper way to lace a corset?"

"Yes, that's the way my mother would lace it too (Y/n), Hange is doing a good job." Nanaba approves of Hange's lacing and it somehow scares you but you have no time to complain as another sharp pain makes it's wait to your ribs.

"Goddamit Hange that's enough!"

__

To say that Levi is shocked by your appearance would be a mere understatement. 

He can't help but feel utterly shocked as to how you've transformed into something so beautiful as he didn't know someone like you could get any prettier than they already were. The choice of the color and the fabric of your dress is simply gorgeous, just like the design. He can already see the men that would come up to you to ask you to dance with them; although he's not going to let that happen though, and he hopes that nobody there scares you off.

"Ahhh so pretty! I'm going to brawl my eyes out!"

"Thank you Squad leader, you seem like my father sometimes!" Your soft smile catches Levi's attention once again. He knows he should join the conversation until the carriage comes, yet he can't help but feel he's going to disturb your higher up from tutoring you.

"And don't forget, you stay by Levi's side no matter what!" Nanaba adds. "Men are going to try and chase you as if you're some sort of prey. They're pigs, though."

"Don't worry Nanaba. Miss (L/n) and I had a talk about all of this before she started getting ready." Erwin says and the look he gives you is filled with hope and pride and maybe a ton of expectation too.

"Tch, stop scaring her. The carriage is here so we should get going." You sigh as you nod in approval before you go up to the raven haired male. 

The ride is as long as you expected it to be. Levi and you don't talk much too, as a weird form of tention fogs the air around the two of you. You can't help but think he wishes you weren't here with him. It's very well known among the Scouts that him and his squad member Petra Ral are really close to each other and you somewhat regret ever being happy that you were requested to be his plus one.

"...worry. Oi brat, you listening to me?"

"Huh?" You shake your head in an attempted to clear the thoughts that run through it. "No sir, please repeat."

"I'm not going to leave your side and we won't stay for very long so you don't have to worry." Levi grunts in annoyment as he repeats his sentence, mostly because he wishes he knew where your mind was traveling to.

"Thank you sir, the only reason I'm worried about though is because I don't come from such social status as the people there are from."

 

"Me neither but here I am, heading to some shitty annual military ball because Erwin decided he's not going to bother with it this year." You let out a giggle as Levi rolls his eyes at his own statement but you're sushed before you can even open your mouth to speak. "You have excellent manners though, (y/n) and great looks to match them. Pittiful women talk shit nevertheless." Your smile vanishes for a second and Levi can't help but notice it.

"So, you know how to dance, right (y/n)?"

_______

 

Levi is positive that your laughter bubbles throughout the whole headquarters, but he doesn't mind, he feels like laughing as well. His heart is somehow throbbing at the thought of you looking so pretty in this dress, smiling so bright that you can light up a whole room. You're just a shy little thing when you haven't had some drinks and Levi's glad he hadn't let you get wasted. You hang onto his neck for dear life as you laugh, unable to keep your knees of supporting you. 

"You're so funny sir. I had missed hearing all the funny things you say now that you're with Petra." You confess, fully aware of what you said. You definitely miss him and you can't keep this inside for some reason. You've been bottling it up for so many months that it's just burst out.

Nevertheless your face falls in the blink of an eye as you realise that you've ruined the moment. Your Corporal is now slowly opening the door to your room and you suppose you should just come to your senses. You're nothing but comrades, you have to remind that to yourself because your faces are so close and the air is so very thin around you. His eyes are set on your lips and his breath is heavy and you pray to God that he just leans in and kisses you but he just pushes you inside your room and closes the door. 

 

You definitely need a moment to relax after this because your rational though is not in the picture and your heart is flattering so hard that it's probably going to burst through your chest.

Maybe a shower shall help you think straight again. Levi's not yours, you shouldn't even pray that he kisses you, but for some reason you can only think of that one time you were naked underneath him. Why is it so wrong to want that again? Your head is spinning with those thoughts as you slip out of your gown and undo your hair. 

 

How are you even supposed to have a shower though if that stupid corset won't budge.

_______

 

For the thousandth time for tonight, Levi is shocked by you. Just a little while ago he had to stop himself from kissing you and now here you are looking like a mess before his door, wearing only your undergarments. 

"Sir, I have to unlace this corset or else I can't have a shower."

Your eyes shine with plea as you stare at him and he knows he can't control himself around you when those alluring eyes stare into his cold gray ones. Why do you have to make it so hard for him to forget you, he wonders. You were supposed to leave his thoughts after that eventful night but you've been occupying his thoughts ever since.

"Tch, come in"

His hands are careful and they don't roam any inch of your body as they work on their task and Levi's amused with his self control.

"Dammit, shitty glasses tightened this thing way too much. You must be bruised all over."

You only hum in response. Your head is not spinning anymore and the alcohol influence in your system seems to have at least passed a bit because you can only remember your mother right now. What she was going to say if she ever found out that one man, especially one of your higher ups was unlacing your corset. She would call you our for being an inappropriate young lady who seduces men, not taking into consideration how tender you felt for the man. She would have probably killed you if she knew that this very man had also taken your virginity, before marriage.

"Oi, what's up with you zoning out today?"

"Sorry sir, I was thinking about my mother."

"What about her?"

"Well..." You start, lowering your gaze even more due to embarrassed, despite not even facing him. "She would have killed me if she knew that I have a man doing this job for me and that I am no longer a virgin. She would have killed me twice if she knew that this man and I are not..." 

"Together?"

"Yes, sir"

Levi's fingers linger on your chin as he softly tugs it for you to take the hint and turn around. His eyes stare deep into yours as silence fills the room for a few seconds but you decide to ruin that moment.

"She would have called me a seductress too, had she known that this man belongs to another woman."

Levi's eyes darkened at that. He was well aware of the rumors spreading about what his relationship with Petra was but it was so bold of you to assume things when he hadn't officially stated anything. He has to teach you a lesson for that.

 

"You can bathe here. Higher ups have warm water all the time." He offers and sees that once again you're staring at him with those puppy eyes.

"I don't want to bathe here." You whispered and avoided his gaze.

"Then you should go to your room." 

"I don't want to go to my room either, sir"

"For fuck's sake. Stop calling me sir, it's driving me crazy."

 

There's another long pause as the two of you stare at each other. You come to grips with the fact that his shirt is unshaveled and undone and this is driving you wild, just like he has to rapidly blink to take your image in his mind. The tention between you is so fucking thick and all he can do is close the space that stands between you and him.

His tongue is dancing with yours as his hands take a good grip on your waist and spin you around; your back is touching his chest and you can feel hair erection throbbing on your lower half, through his pants. His fingers delicately roam at the waist band of your drawers not for long before they dip in, finding your core immediately and making you moan St the sudden feeling of pleasure. His lips are hot stuff the crook of your neck despite how cold his words are.

"Don't get the wrong idea, after this..." He pauses for a second as he feels your hand land on top of his throbbing member and grunts, hard. "We're nothing."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is intriguing enough. Also, am I the only one who can't add notes or comment to other stories due to ao3 popping up the 'Error 500' page? 
> 
> Also since I can't leave notes at the end of this story, tell me how you like the chapter, if there's anything you want to see, and thanks for reading, my loves.
> 
> ALSO IM RUNNING LOW ON COLIN FARREL PERIOD MOVIES AND HES MY ULTIMATE LEVI INSPIRATION AND IDK GUYS I CANT ACCEPT THAT I HAVE WATCHED EVERY MOVIE WITH COLIN. CAN HE PLAY LEVI ALREADY?

_Blood. Carmine red blood is oozing from your abdomen the moment the gun of your enemy goes off and it takes you about half a second to realise it. Your eyes suddenly widen but no scream escapes your lips as you start losing control of your 3DMG gear._

_You're falling so fast that you're sure you're going to snap your neck and break your back once your collision with the ground happens. You wish it was different. You wished you didn't have have to go like that but the sharp pain in your abdomen reminds you there's only a few times you can fool death._

_You'd never forgive yourself if you hadn't taken that shot for Levi._

_____

Morning light creeps through the window signaling the start of a new day. Levi's eyes burn with insomnia as he takes in your sleeping form as light slowly starts lingering on it. He's sure he's fallen asleep at some point in the night but it mustn't have been for long as he feels like he's not slept at all.

A deep sigh leaves his mouth as he tries to take in the events of the previous night. He can't sake the thought of you and how you can make him feel like that, even though he knows that these type of relationships are discouraged among the Scouting regiment. He's definitely angry for everyone assuming that him and Petra are actually in a relationship but he can't pinpoint if what makes him angry is that you know of that too or because his soldier are able to think he'd so easily commit in a vain relationship.

It's a knock on his door that causes him to shake out of his trail of thoughts and he decides to rush to it since he doesn't want you to wake up just yet. It's something he probably won't ever confess about, but he certainly loves to watch you sleep. His brain is filled with images of last night as he walks around his room to search for his pair of underwear; his clothes are splattered everywhere on the floor and he curses himself for not being a little more careful, or tidy as a matter of fact.

"Good morning Levi" The tall commander greets him good morning with a smug on his handsome face. "I'm here to talk about last night." 

Last night. 

Levi panicks at the sound of that because it's only now that he notices your corset beng displayed on his office floor while your drawers and chemise were sprawled not so far away themselves. It's instinct that makes him close the door at Erwin and tell him to wait for a moment so he could dress up.

With all your undergarments in hand he rushes through the door that connects his room and his office and neatly places them on the bed. He's definitely changing the sheets either way, so for the time being it doesn't hurt if he leaves the clothes that previously laid on the floor on the bed.

He decides against not waking you up. You have to be aware that you can't get out of the room or make any sound while the commander is one wall away from you. His heart doesn't want to allow him to take away your precious slumber but he knows he can't do otherwise.

"Hey (y/n) you have to wake up" you only moan in response to that as you snuggle in the comforter. "Erwin's waiting outside and I need you to not make any sound, can you do that for me?"

Your eyes shot widen open at this and you're trying to think of ways to stay calm in your panicked state. Not only will it be embarrassing if the commander finds you here, naked under Levi's comforter, it will also have a huge impact on your military life. Nonetheless you nod as response to Levi's request and bury yourself deep into the comforter. A few moments later, you hear the bedroom door close shut.

"Breakfast has started for a while now, I'll have a cadet bring you some of it in case you don't want to get out just yet." Erwin offers the moment he sits down on one of the chairs that stand before Levi's office. Levi blinks at him and then realises this is a really good chance to avoid making you walk through the corridors in his clothes. 

"Yeah, make that a double portion too if that's possible, I didn't have anything to eat yesterday and it feels like I'm starting my ass off." Erwin simply nods in response. He enjoys letting Levi believe he hasn't detected the ladie's undergarments that were sprawled on his floor just a while ago; although the fact that he just asked him to have a double portion of breakfast merely confirms what he thinks has happened in this very room.

"How was last night?"

Levi's eyes squint a little as Erwin finishes his sentence, the blond notices. Levi's gray eyes travel from left to right before they look straight into his, pure discomfort written all over them. "It was calm and as expected. I'll hand you a report tomorrow night."

"Anything I should take into consideration? Strange behaviors and all?"

"No, everyone was as a piece of shit like always. (Y/n) and I were cornered by pigs and snakes." Levi burries his head between his hands as he speaks, trying his best to get rid of the guilt that rushed through him for hiding the whole truth from Erwin.

"I see... Interesting." Erwin mouths. "You seem troubled about something right now so I'm not pushing you. I know that your report will include everything."

"Yes."

"So... Miss (L/n), how did she handle things"

"Tch, the brat copped up well with all the pigs that came to her trying to play predators." Levi responds, almsot seeming amused by remembering the way you handled every single one of the men that came to 'kindly' ask you join them for a dance. He had almost laughed in the face of every single one.

The blond chuckles at Levi's words and moves to, finally, get up from his chair. "You can talk to me about whatever's bothering you when you're ready. And by the way thanks for tidying up the mess in the office before letting me in." And thus Erwin leaves, a smug splattered all over his face.

_______

"What are you planning to do for today (y/n)?" The hard eyed corporal speaks to you as you take another bite of your breakfast in your mouth. "I thought I'd take a walk outside maybe, and wash my clothes, take care of my horse." 

"You're not going to do your clothes on laundry day?" He questions.

"I much not prefer to wash my underwear around other people, especially all those new recruits we have." 

"Tch, little brats." Levi takes a sip of his tea to buy himself sometime to think about what's he's going to say. Does he really want to suggest you go downtown with him? He doesn't want anyone to suspect anything, and he also doesn't want to break Petra's heart by proving himself to be a liar. He remembered clear as day of that time he told her he can't bear to dedicate his heart to anyone because he doesn't want to lose them.

"I was going to go downtown to buy some tea since I'm running low on it. Would you like to come with me?" Dammit, well alright he has just spoke the words and he keeps thinking that he shouldn't have had. Your probably going to say no because he made it clear that your relationship is strictly corporal and cadet, so he shouldn't have his hopes up, right?

It's only a couple of hours later that he finds himself being so intrigued by the way you seem to enjoy walking around the town, admitting all the stores, but never buying anything. The military salary for cadets wasn't that high and as far as Levi knows you make sure to send all of it back home, to your father, who is left all alone in this world. Levi hates prying into people's personal lives but he is curious as to what has happened to your mother, and why she acted like that, in all those small childhood stories Levi's heard you say. 

"Captain! Captain do you hear me?" Levi's attention is once again set on you as he finally listens to your words. He simply nods in response and wait for you to speak those words you want. "My father doesn't live far away from here, actually. I was wondering if we could go there? He's not been very well." 

Once again, the only answer you receive is a mere and calm nod.

________

Upon arriving at your father's house you and Levi meet with what's left of the small living premises that remain just a few meters outside the heart of the city. Levi remembers you talk about being brought up in a small farm but he has never imagined it could be this small.

"Is this your mother?" Levi questions the moment he sets his eyes on a woman that is retrieving water from the well right outside the small house.

"No, my mother is dead. She's the lady I pay to take care of my dad." You say and bring your horse to an alt. "It's better to leave them here. There's no way to secure them anywhere near my house."

Levi hums and proceeds to alt his horse as well. He doesn't really want to bring any objection to you, because after all, he's entirely sure you invited him to come with you out of kindness. Your manners would never allow you to leave alone and behind the person you are with.

"Also, sir, don't be surprised. My father is really old and is in his deathbed." Levi's decides against answering; he's in no place to judge the condition of your father after having seen his own mother in her own deathbed, fighting with illness. Yet, he somehow realises that your face has dropped to the pits of hell as you talk about your father's condition, much unlike how it looked when you mentioned your mother's death.

"Hello Miss (y/n)." The blode haired woman says to you as her head turns to your direction.

"Hello Claire. Is father asleep?"

 

Levi's eyes bore into the dim lit room before the land on the man that lays on the bed, silent, with a face contorted in pain. He watches as you greet him; the way the old man opens his eyes and looks at you in disbelief, ready to burst into tears, is something he remembers from his mother. She'd often cry while look at him, knowing she was going to die and thinking about it now, was poisoning his heart and taking the air out of his lungs.

"This is my Captain. Lance Corporal Levi. I'm sure you've heard of him." You say and turn to look at his direction with a warm smile. He nods and remains silent, afraid that any noise he's going to make is going to take a toll on the dying man. 

You and your father exchange some more words about the military life, before Levi is addressed to speak again, although he can't make sure that your father has just told him. He kindly asks you to repeat, because he was lost at looking around your childhood home.

"At this point, my father and I are arguing who's going to die first."

Levi's eyes widen at this. He has no idea how you can be humorous about this situation, and he doesn't even know how to react. He can't possibly laugh as your father tells you to stop joking about this and he can't even tell you to hush because he's honestly caught up in not being able to understand who's going to die first, especially with all those expenditions.

"Come on Levi that was a joke, of course I'll be the first to die." You laugh and laugh and laugh and there's something melodic about this laughter of yours that sounds like music to Levi's ears. Yet, he once again reminds himself, falling in love with you would mean that he lied to Petra. Levi is a man of his word and this was untolerable to whatever pride he's left with. Petra is cute and sweet too, with an always smiling face. He could and he should easily fall for her and not you. He should not step on Petra's heart in the pursuit of yours, yet there's something about your melancholy that's pulling him in.

"Are ya ever... Are ya ever goin' ta wear yah mather's dress?" You father says and points to an old dresser at the other end of the room.

"No, we talked about this." It's uncomfortable silence that fills the room as you avoid your father's eyes for some mere seconds. "My sister's husband?"

"Yah father's probably an MP officer by now."

"We also talked about this too, _you_ are my father."

Levi's unable to understand what's going on at this point but he knows that man on his deathbed looks too old to be the father of a nineteen year old girl. He decides not to pry into your life anymore, because this is an extremely personal matter and it's not in his right to get involved in this.

"Did you have to tell this in front of my commanding officer? Isn't my life as complicated as it gets already?" You say as Levi exits the room without looking back, probably wanting to go back to the headquarters already. In an instant, you get up from your kneeling position next to your father's bed and start doing the same.

"Yah should have gotten married." 

"I just wish I'll be the one to die first." You say and slam the door, feeling hot tears gather in your eyes. It takes a moment to realise that Levi is there, sat nearby the porch, looking as if he had been waiting for you forever.

_______

 

"No I don't think so." You say as Henning asks if you plan to ask for another day off any time soon. "I even feel like I missed an entire year of training today."

"What a pity. We'd have you go on a date with Tomas since he has the hots for you." The dark haired male chockes to the water that had just entered his mouth as Lynne bursts into laughter at him.

"Lynne!" Nanaba shouts, demandingly, and it's enough for the young soldier to behave once again. "Besides, she has the hots for the corporal."

"Yessss, our little minx here has her eyes on the shortyyy" Gelgar laughs. But you can't take any of this teasing anymore. "Stop teasing me you guys!" You say, laughing at it, as if it's going to be any help to stop them from teasing you.

"Ugh I wanna drink" you hear Gelgar say as you munch some of your bread; it's so typical of him to ask to drink at such a boring day as this, although you doubt your stomach is going to survive all your drinking, for another day straight.

"I'm gonna be excused from late night drinking, I had my fair share of drinks yesterday." You smile politely as you turn down his offer, noticing Tomas' face drop a little.

It's in the blink of an eye that you feel a short pat on the back and hear some laughter emerging from your group. "Well, we all know you're quite a drinker (y/n)." The voice -and the hand in your shoulder- belongs to Gunther, who gestures you to move so he could sit next to you, while the rest of Squad Levi followed his lead.

It's not uncommon for your squad to sit with theirs, and yet you know that now that they're here, there's no way you get to slip out of late night drinking. They're not going to let you do so. Even Petra drinks a lot during thsoe times and you wonder how can such a small woman tolerate this amount of alcohol.

"You're not going to bail on drinking night, right, (y/n). Maybe captain will say yes this time too!" Eld excitedly says, remembering the last time you gathered to drink. Unbeknownst to him, that night ended with you in Levi's bed and you did not intend to do this again. Third time is the charm and you're definitely not, never in a million years going to end up with Levi for a third time.

Although, now that you think of it, a drink could possibly soothe you a little.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while waiting for the results of my art uni entrance exams that we're supposed to be out today, but turns out they're not. Not my best chapter, and it 2,3k words instead of my initial goal for it to be 3k but yeah... 
> 
> Sorry in advance for any mistakes, I'm super tired and super nervous about my results.

You dont initially intend to hit the table that hard with your wooden cup, but your hand feels heavy from all the alcohol you've already consumed. There's not much that you can figure out, except the fact that you're too drunk to even feel your face. People around you don't seem to understand how drunk you are because they don't notice how fast you're drinking, except for Gelgar perhaps because his eyes are set on you the exact moment your cup hit the table. But then again, isn't everyone else's too?

"Quit drinking so fast! You've drunk three bottles already" Gelgar finally says in a completely calm tone. "You're going to drink all the liquor if you- quick Eld! give me that bottle she's trying to drink from, or I'm gonna smash her head with it!" You can't help but whine as Eld forcefully grabs the bottle of liquor in your hand, intending to give it to Gelgar. Who was he anyways to decide you shouldn't be drinking anymore. 

Gunther sighs and burries his head between his hands as he watches the scene before him; he really wants to laugh at you for acting like a child and not even listening to Gelgar as he scolds you. It's even funnier that you whine and pout like a child who's candy was taken away from when Eld takes the bottle away from you. He lives for moments like this, drinking with his comrades and having fun like that.

"Gelgar you have stable duty for the rest of the week." Levi announces, seeming annoyed at the soldier. "You don't get to threaten to smash someone's head."

"Oh come on captain, you're always on our ass! We're just drinking here!" Tomas says, bubbling up those words with such enthusiasm that if it wasn't for your laughter that distracts the Corporal everybody would have freaked out and thought of him as a dead man. 

"He's not always on _your_ ass, he's on mine!" You laugh at this, because it seems so hilarious in your mind and you barely notice Levi's eyes landing on you, his eyes wide and his mouth parted slightly. "Yeah and I'm going to kick it if you don't shut your mouth."

"You're not going to kick it, you love it! You've told me so when-"

"Restroom duty for the rest of your life, (y/n)." Levi partially snaps at you before you even get the chance to finish your sentence. The air is tense right now and it's all because of you and you can't realise why everyone is staring at you with such a shocked expression. You only care to defend yourself with the little courage you have left.

"But Levi" your eyes are burning as you begin voicing your concern regarding this panishment. You can't even feel your face at the moment, how can you possibly even realise that what you're saying isn't supposed to be spoken about. "you've said it your self that-"

"The captain wouldn't sexualise a soldier like that, (y/n)." It's Petra that cuts you off, in a sweet, kind and really low tone and you can't help but feel some sort of pain in your chest that you can't sound as feminine as her, even at such drunk state. You take a moment to realise that, you know about Petra's feelings for Levi, you know he probably has feelings for her too, and all you do is say reckless shit that could break their bond. "Pass me the bottle Lynne."

Lynne is hesitand as to if she should give you more alcohol but she doesn't even have a chance to refuse as you practically grasp the bottle of liquor away from her hand. You try to convince yourself that you don't really care about what's going on with Levi and Petra, as you gulp down whatever is left in the bottle, for two major reasons; one, its none if your damned business and two, just because you've had sex with Levi teice doesn't mean the two of you love each other. No there's not such thing as love in this cruel world and you know that very well.

Nevertheless your heart skips a beat as you watch Levi's hand run through Petra's hair affectionately, helping a loose strand of her bangs to go back behind her ear. You're not jealous. You can't even be jealous at this because Levi has made clear to you that the two of you weren't anything but comrades after last night. 

"Did Petra just pass out?" You watch as Petra's head falls heavy on Levi's shoulder and not long before the Corporal decides it's enough for tonight, you get up, bottle of booze still in your fist and leave the room without talking to anyone. You don't even look back at Gelgar who's shouting at you to take the liquor back at them.

You've had enough, honestly.

__________

Privacy is a luxury for soldiers; you've known that ever since you became a trainee, but you have found out that almost no one decides to bathe this early in the morning, mostly because the water is freezing cold or because they don't want to lose any monute of their sleep. So, it's really unsual that you come across a few soldiers who occupy most of the shower stalls.

You wait for so long that you come to grips with the fact you won't have time to bathe before breakfast begins. It clicks in your head that most soldiers have the day off today seeing that there's an upcoming expendition. Visiting their families and loved ones as well as treating themselves with goods are things Erwin knows he shouldn't take away from his soldiers, he's given you that lecture many times before expenditions.

 

Lynne and Tomas cheerfully greet you as you enter the dining hall. Upon taking your fair share of food, and thanking the cook as always since most soldiers forget to do so, you arrive at your usual table, where many sets of eyes are set on you and only you. You proceed to question them, what exactly is wrong but all you get is Gelgar asking you for money to buy again the amount of liquor you consumed.

"But like, I told you she has the hots for Levi, so I guess I won't this bet, right?" Nanaba smiles and stretches her arm, motioning to Henning to give her the bet money.

"I don't have the hots for him!"

"Seriously, you straight up told him that he's told you he loves your ass!" Henning laughs off in a loud and firm tone. And well, shit, you really said that last night huh? "You're so dead when Levi sees you. You should have seen his face." You want to, but you don't laugh with him, because you know, you really are dead.

"Maybe she imagined it." Lynne speaks, her eyes are matching between you and the rest of your squad members but all she gets is an answer from Tomas who's demanding that she stops defending you. You can see Eld approaching your table followed by Gunther and you can't help but want to dig a hole and die in it, since you're not ready to deal with the teasing.

"Hell, give the girl a break, she drunk a hella lot last night, I bet your stomach's burning, right (y/n?)" 

You nod silently at Hunter's words, deciding that you should probably keep your mouth shut in case more despicable words came out of it. Although Gunther is really right, it's been hours since you're up and your stomach is burning like it's hell's pit and there's a lamb in your throat that keeps you away from being able to swallow any food.

"You poor little thing!" Eld pouts and pats your head as he stares at you, making you grimace in disbelief.

"Tch... She's definitely not a poor little thing, she took down four bottles of tat shit yesterday, her liver is going to kiss her ass goodbye." 

"Thanks for informing about my liver's plans Oluo." You manage to say although you hear a few hisses from the people around you. 

"Not your best comeback (y/n), but it's acceptable..." Gelgar says, but the topic changes fast after that. Your commrades talk about what they're going to do on their duty free day and your ear even catches that the Corporal is taking care of Petra swing that she's not taking the hangoger very well, and you swear your stomach takes another turn at the sound of that. Petra didn't even drink that much, yet she passed out and now she's receiving special treatment from the Corporal himself because she just can't take some alcohol. This is ridiculous, yet you secretly wish to be in her place.

_______

 

You're not quite sure why you're caught up in a fight with Henning during dinner time, but you know his fist clashing with your abdomen hurts like a mother fucker. You're in definite need to throw up, but you try to hold yourself back and throw a punch back at him, since your pride won't allow you to just stand there, defeated. 

"Fucking hell, hey! Someone part them!"

The moment you throw a punch Henning he grabs your head and collides it against yours, making you hiss in utter pain. Your eyes are shut, but you somehow find the strength to turn Henning around, so that your on top, although it's not that he can't fight, because his fists find your ribs once again. 

Nanaba screams again from someone to help the squad part the two of you and it's only a few moments after that a high pitched scream leaves your lips as you feel your hair being pulled back in such force that it feels as if it's going to rip from your skull. Next thing you know is that you're thrown against the floor and Henning receives his fair share of kicks by the one who had decided enough is enough.

"Captain... I.."

"I want a written apology at my office or else you're not sleeping tonight. And congratulations Henning you just won yourself restroom duty alongside (y/n)." Levi spits at the man, who stares back at him in fear. "If I see you've injured her severely I'll make sure Mike doesn't get in my way of punishing your ass for the rest of your life."

The whole room stares at the three of you, expecting Levi to turn around and look at you, yell at you and give you some sort of punishment as well, but Levi only spares you a glance as he begins to walk away.

 

It's only a few hours later that you're standing before Levi's door, alongside Henning, ready to knock on the door before Henning's hand stops you from doing so.

"I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have gone this fucking far." He looks sincere as he says so and you can't help but smile at him apologetically. You trail your next words; Henning's finally letting you knock on the Corporal's door "It's fine I slapped you first so..." 

You step your feet into the office only upon staying your name and business. Levi sighs as he accepts the letters and you see him bury his head between his hands, raven locks pouring from the gaps between his fingertips. He informs you that you're not dissmissed and Henning even protests but as Levi says, he's going to examine your abdomen for himself, to see about how hard his punishment should be.

"I'll take your harness off" Levi announces, ignoring the fact that you protest about being able to do it yourself. You can tell he's tired just like he can tell that you're in pain but you speak none of it. And neither do both if you momentarily address this odd tention that has cloud in the air.

"Shit!" Levi hisses the moment your shirt is off. Your abdomen is all dark and bruised and there's even some dried blood at some spots. "I'm going to fucking end him, look at what he did to you."

You want to say you're fine and that it doesn't really hurt, but you're not, and it hurts like hell and you want to throw everything up. Your head is spinning and your belly's churning. "I just want to throw up sir. It hurts so much." You don't cry, you don't want to ever cry in front of your comrades, since you're not here to show you're weak. You're here to fight.

"You're not coming to the expendition. I'll write down my concerns to Erwin."

"But you're not my squad leader, sir."

"That doesn't mean I can't take care of you, soldier" 

You only now realise that your faces are so close, once again and this tention is obviously ready to be addressed in an unspoken way. His lips, burning with this odd desire, brush against yours in a painfully slow manner; you can even feel his hot breath ghosting over your skin. His hands delicately land on the top of your head and drift lower and lower, to the corners of your face and your whole existence honestly gives in to the moment for one mere second before it all comes back to you. Your thoughts won't ever let you rest. There's that painful feeling in your chest; the image of Levi doing this with Petra instead of you, poisons the whole moment for you. It even poisons your poor little heart that's beating so fast and so hard that it's hurting your bruised abdomen.

"If that's they way you took care of Petra today, Levi, I don't want you to take care of me too." 

And thus, Levi's hands let go off your face and hung low, his whole frame backing away from yours in such a lifeless way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave a comment and tell me what else you'd like to see in the next chapters!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls accept this chapter that I write in this very emotionally charged day... Hope you enjoy. It's also a little explicit and it's full of plot! Yay! 
> 
> Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistake, I wrote this while bearing a lot of feelings™

"why are you doing this to me?" 

Levi's gaze is fixed on the wooden tiles of the floor as he speaks in a ridiculously soft manner. There's uncertainty that lingers in his tone mixed with the slightest bit of disappointment and due to this you can't figure out if these words are directed towards you or himself. "You think I have no honor?"

"No, Levi, it's just... You said we're nothing after last night, but it's weird to think that you're doing it with Petra too." 

"I'm not doing anything with Petra. I'm not with Petra. I'm just trying not to break that brat's heart." 

Your forehead is crushed against his as you converse, yet you don't dare to look at each other. That odd tention is in the air again and it makes goosebumps run through your whole frame. You seriously hate that you find yourself relieved either his answer, just as much as you definitely hate the fact that you have a growing desire for the man before you.

"I just don't know how somebody can fall in love in this world, especially with someone like me." Levi mumbles silently as his hand reaches for your face. Another wave of chills run through you as you feel the tips of his fingers leave small touches at the nape of your neck. "And Petra did."

 

"So what if I.., what if I fall for you too?"

 

_________

 

"I'm so sorry that I broke her rib!" 

"You're just as stupid as it gets Henning, how is she even going to come to the expendition now?"

"Did captain send this to you, sir? He's the one requesting she doesn't come with us?"

Mike's office is not always so awfully noisy at this hour of the day, but he has obviously underestimated just how his squad can behave from time to time. With the 49th expendition coming so soon, he has so many concerns running through his head all the time that he only now has managed to be informed of last night shenanigans.

"The Corporal also assigned Henning with restroom duty for the rest of his days and said that he won't let you change that, if (y/n)'s injuries are bad." Nanaba receives a hard glare from Henning as she speaks of this, mostly because he hasn't expected that she'd give him out like that. 

"Yes I can confirm that."

"And where is (y/n), now?" Mike questions but all the answers differ. Lynne didn't see you come to the room last night and Henning says that he last saw you in Levi's office. Utterly confused with the mess that came after, Mike burges out of the room, Levi's letter in hand and sprints to the Corporals room with a gloomy expression all over his face.

There's an odd smell in the air; had Mike know better he'd say the whole floor smells like sex, but he's positive that the sweaty scent comes from the men's restroom. It's so suspicious that the scent is becoming stronger as he reaches Levi's room, but he chooses to ignore it nonetheless. Levi is not a man that would engage in sexual inuedos, or relationships, Mike's convinced about that, because he wouldn't want to be part of something so heartbreaking. Thus Mike also ignores the rumors that are out and about regarding Levi's relationship with Petra.

Strangly enough, Levi doesn't answer the door after a couple of intense knocks and as much as Mike wants to deny it, he convinces himself that Levi's probably asleep. It's definitely a thought that makes him chuckle as he reaches to open the door, but that faint smile on his face disappears the moment he his ears pick a tone they shouldn't have had. It's a very familiar voice to him. He's heard it at practice, he's heard it every single day for the past years, yet he has never thought it could ever have that tone in it.

_"Levi-"_

The name is pronounced as if your mouth is full of it, weighting lust and pleasure at it's sound. Mike's unable to believe it. The smell of sex in the room is unbearable, as occasional grunts and moans fill the air. Mike can't move; he can't make a sound either and he's definitely sure that it's not curiosity thats causing that. He's stunned, and he should be going, but something inside him makes him really want to confirm that it sure is you who moans your Corporal's name.

_"It- it hurts like that!"_

He's still internally fighting on whether he should stay or go, because the door to Levi's room is not completely shut and he could peak of he wanted, when he hears what seems to be the sound of changing positions. Levi's bed has always cricked a little with movements, ever since he was given the room he's in.

_"Grip on the bed frame and try not to arch your back."_

There are a few more loud moans and squeals that make it to Mike's ears before he finally decides at to what his actions are going to be. The blond gulps as he takes a couple of steps forward, creaking that door open just enough for his eyes to be able to feast on the scene that's unraveling before him. Your hair is wet from sweating as you try your best to grip on to the bedframe to maintain your squatting position as Levi is laid under you. Your ribs are a hideous dark shade that makes Mike wonder how you can even stand in this position, and your gaze is fixated in Levi's. There seems to be a painful, yet pleasure filled expression written all over your face, showing that you're enjoying this way too much.

He's definitely heard about this position by other men, but it's so much different to watch it unravel in live action before his very own eyes by his favorite squad member and one of his fellow veteran comrades. It's so odd to see this unravel before him, because he had not expected it, not even when he thought he'd smelled Levi on you. He had never expected Levi to actually make a move on a cadet, on you out of all people.

It's a high pitched scream that makes him shake out of his thoughts and it definitely belongs to you, seeing that it's too thin to be Levi's. You're desperately trying to cover up with _anything_ , even Levi himself because it's obviously embarrassing to be seen in such situation by your squad leader.

"Enjoying the view like a pervert, I see." Levi remarks as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, while cold grey irishes stare deep and cruelly into Mike's soul, almost as if they want to make him disappear as soon as it can be, if possible.

"I... Well..." Mike's voices is trembling, but it doesn't take long for him to actually come to his senses and speak firmly again. "I expect (L/n) in my office as soon as possible." He barely stands on his feet anymore, he barely knows if he can make it to the door without having a heart attack from the shock, he barely even knows if he should speak of this to Erwin or not.

All he knows is that he shouldn't have seen this.

_________

"As of today, you mean?"

"Yes. How many times have you slept with the Corporal as of today."

"Three times sir. As of today I've slept with the captain three times." 

If you were asked to name that feeling that has currently taken over your whole existence, you'd probably say that it's shame, in the majority of it. There's a little guilt in the mixture, of course, but it certainly can't overpower shame. Mike's words are harsh, as if he's a father whose kid refuses to go to school, or has just stolen something despite the novelty of their family. He's talking to you like a cop who's interrogating a criminal and that's because you chose to be in a situation just like that. Because this was bound to happen sooner or later. Because this secret was never meant to be kept between you and Levi until the day you died.

"Levi's not the man for you. You are a soldier. Bothering with relationships is highly discouraged as it always end in heartbreak, thus making you unable to fight. You chose to make that sacrifice when you came here!"

"I know!"

"And catching you in bed with him was so atrocious that-"

"I know! I know sir and you don't have to tell me twice. I'm aware that I devoted my heart to humanity, I'm aware that relationships are discouraged and I'm definitely aware that getting caught by you should bring shame upon me for the rest of my life, but for God's sake. Don't talk to me as if I am a criminal."

You can even bare to look him in the eye as you say that, because you obviously don't really believe it's not a crime. There wouldn't be the need to keep it a secret if it wasn't some sort of criminal and discouraged action. Mike is probably aware for everything you're trying to hide due to your actions, because he knows every little aspect of your damned life that it's extremely difficult to hide anything from him. 

 

The blond male only sighs as you speak, deciding to finally put an alt to his back and forth pacing around the room. You're not a criminal of course, but it's not so great to see soldier fall apart when their loves ones die in the arms of those hideous giants. 

"Do you love him?"

_Please say no._

"No. He doesn't love me either anyways, so would it mean anything if I loved him?"

Mike can see through your aggresive tone as much as you despise it, but he knows you're partially saying the truth. Real love hurts, and he knows you don't love Levi for the time being. Maybe what you're feeling is an attachment, an unbelievable excitement that you can't deny. Seeing that you're young like that, Mike can't entirely blame you for feeling like that. Humans are made to have emotions. They're made to feel, to love and hurt, they're made to do things they're not supposed to. He's sure not going to let you fall in deeper for this though. There's sadness and shame written in your face as you desperately mumble your next words, breaking Mike's stiffened opinions.

"I don't know what to do what to do with his kisses on my neck though. They make me feel so weird."

"I'll have to inform Erwin about that, you know that right?"

You simply nod, as you feel your heart strings being pulled on by that statement. You don't know what you're going to do now that the commander is going to be aware of this too. Nonetheless you bow your head and accept whatever your superior suggests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days? Evie are you crazy? No I'm just not so well and writing helps me feel better and keep on being creative.
> 
> Also, watch out for dad Levi and mom reader from my canonverse series! I promise it's going to be super fluffy!
> 
> Leave a comment if you enjoyed and let me know if there's anything you want to see in the future!


	5. Not really an update, update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! How are you doing? Despite not being well emotionally, my melancholy is helping me be really productive. Thus, I was requested this work on Tumblr and I figured it serve as a good little break from all the plot of this story.
> 
> Enjoy this single parent Levi angst. Feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> (This one shot has nothing to do with this story)

Levi's body falls down on the fresh grass, his head soflty landing down, in order to avoid any injury. His eyes are squinted and there's a wide smile on his face, a sign of happiness that's adorning his features. The sound of loud, little laughters filled his ears like bells that rang in a beautiful tone of freedom, while little vibrations that emitted from the voices made it to his chest.

By lifting his head just a tad, he was able to spot all three of his little ones sprawled all over his chest, laughing off of any sound they could hear echoiching in his body. Their small, dark haired heads are turned in a way they could all face each other, to compete about who's doing better in their little game.

"I can hear daddy's heart!"

"And I can hear his stomach!"

"I can hear your voices so shut up!" 

Levi laughs sincerely at that, his voice sounding so soft, coming from the depths of his neck. His middle one had always been a little more vulgar than the others as this seemed to be the way he could try and imitate his father. His hands came to rest in his children's backs, holding them down and closer to him, as if to gesture then to just relax for one bit. And they do obviously, but the silence doesn't last long. 

Kuchel's head jolts upwards, a little hand reaching to brush some strands of her bangs away from her forehead. "I wanna hide and seek!" Another head pops up, this one belonging to Tony, whose face shows how delighted he is by his sister's idea. "Yes yes yes papa! Can we play!?"

It's only Kurt who doesn't lift his head from his father's embrace and Levi seems to ignore it, looking delighted as well that his kids want to play hide and seek with him. It's not that often that he has a chance to play with them, given the fact that he's in the military. His kids don't lack on anything, they never miss playing around in the yard of the beautiful house he's built for them with the lady he's paying to take care of them, but it's killing him to know that he can't be there for them all the time. They only have him in this world and he only needs one more year until he can finally request to retire, so he can always be with them.

"I want to play a different game." Kurt says in a monotone, small voice that keeps reminding Levi of his mother. "Let's describe each other's faces."

Kuchel and Tony don't seem to bother with postponing their game of hide and seek as they agree with their older brother. They've played this game before, but never with their dad, just because they wanted to help Kuchel draw their little family.

"Alright I go first!" Kuchel laughs off and closes her eyes with her small hands. Levi's smiling again as he runs his hand through her jet black hair, picking up some dirt and leaves that have gathered at certain parts, due to her placing chopped flowers on it at first chance she gets. "Hmm, he has dark hair, a small nose and thiiiiiin lips and he always screams when daddy tells him to have a hair cut! And he always talks blah blah blah. Ahhhhhh" 

Kuchel falls down laughing and screaming as her brother attackes her, tickling her sides for sweet revenge, yet Kurt seems too bored by the picture of this. "You're supposed to make it hard Kou! It's obvious you're talking about Tony!" 

Kurt doesn't get to describe anyone until his turn, and as almost always he's left last, his siblings mocking the fact that there's no one else to be described except for himself, but he's so determined to describe the person in his head more than anything in the whole world.

"Oi, are you going to play?" His father says and his arm wraps around his small shaking frame. Levi can sense the kid is shaking, although he doesn't really know why and he's ready to address this matter until Kurt finally covers his eyes and opens his mouth to speak. "The person I'm talking about has (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes. Her hair is waving in the wind and her smile is really pretty." Levi looks at him, confused. He can't be talking about his sister that a given fact, but he's not talking about his nanny either. 

"She's holding a baby in her arms and shes waving daddy goodbye." 

It all clicks in Levi's head after this. He watches as his son starts trembling in his embrace, sniffling occasionally. His talking comes to an alt and he sinks himself in his father's arms unable to stop his crying. Kurt might have been the only one who remembered his mother, who held onto that memory of him departing for a mission while his mother holds his hand with an infant Tony in her other one. Levi doesn't even know he's capable of feeling all this guilt that even he can't exactly remember the features of his significant other and he curses himself that he's let the thought of her fall into oblivion.

"Who is this!"

"It's mommy!" Kurt sobs loudly and Levi just presses him into his arms as if he's trying shield the kid from all the evil in this world.

"Mommy? She had (h/c) hair? Really?" Kuchel bursts out excitedly, as she comes closer to her father. "Please tell me more about her!"

"I can't. I don't even rememeber my own mother's face."

"I hate you for not remembering mommy. I really do!" Kurt's screams are muffled by Levi's chest. As he lays down on the fresh grass once again he doesn't even care if his head lands soflty. The sound of his kid crying for the first time in a while is breaking him. His eyes are squinted and he's biting his lower lip in an effort to hide his pain. The vibrations of the voice that comes out of his son's mouth hit his chest like a thousand knives. He hates being a single parent in this cruel world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm, I cried while writing this. So yeah if you did too I completely understand that I am a monster who's hurting her own self with all this angst. Thanks for reading tho my loves, look forward to the next chapter of Corsets and Gunfire


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HOW ARE YOU THIS IS PURE NSFW.
> 
> I merhed two requests I got on Tumblr and managed to tailor then for this story so have a little background about how de sexual encounters with Levi and y/n started in the first place...
> 
>  
> 
> JUST SO YOU KNOW IM ASHAMED OF MYSELF

Levi swears he is going to burst in a thousand little pieces. He isn't exactly sure how this is possible, how your touch is so thrilling or how in the name of any good you've found the courage to slip your hands on the insides of his shirt. He just knows that everywhere your skin is touching, he's burning up and probably the fact that he's basically throbbing in his most intimate parts isn't helping at all.

"Tch, so much for being a moral man." He mutters under his breath as he feels his skin crawl; all the hairs in his body are standing up like a stiff soldier saluting their commander, proudly. He can feel those unwanted chills run through his whole body once again, and, as they start traveling southern his head jolts, so suddenly that you're left startled. He doesn't think he can get himself out of this situation with any of this morality.

____

The day had went on as usual; breakfast, supervising the morning training of his squad and cleaning whatever dirt his eyes were to set on. He had managed to have a bath before he was to come to the dinner hall and he had planned on eating fast in order to finish his paperwork before he had to sleep. Nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe that's what led him to accept your offer to drink along with you and your drinking companion.

It was such a bad idea from the beginning, obviously, and Levi questioned how you were able to digest all of this liquor that you had managed to fill yourself up with. He still watched you nevertheless, noticing your every movement, from the way you held your cup to the way your lips would curl up the moment you'd set said cup down the wooden table. The nonsense that'd blurt out of your mouth seemed so amusing to him even making him hold back a laugh at one point. He didn't know what was it about you that had intrigued him so much. Your morals adnd ethics? How you were kind and soft spoken to him even when he'd act up? Maybe the fact that you were a good cleaner or that you'd spent hours helping him with his paperwork when he needed it.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was that glint in your eyes and that inviting warmth behind them. He'd never felt that either anyone, ever.

"Sir, you mentioned you have paperwork to finish tonight." You take it upon your drunk self to lean forward and whisper to him, not even realising how ridiculous you had sounded in that sultry tone you had tried to use. It made Levi choke on his drink and hold back another laugh. No need for his subordinates to think he was drunk out of his mind too because you were being silly and he was actually being affected by it.

"You can't even take a shit for yourself at the moment (L/n)." He says as he sips on the insides of his cup, making sure that you get to see the small upward turn his lips turn, his eyes shut close in tranquility.

"I'm not drunk! I really am not, sir!" 

"Shut the hell up (y/n) you've drunk most of our booze once again." Gelgar screams from the other side of the table and most people laugh along with him as they watch you bat your eyes slowly yet a bit playfully at him, almost mocking his every word. Gelgar doesn't even realise that you pout really hard at his next words and he chooses to ignore it, because he can see how caught up you are in the little conversation that bubbles up with the captain.

It's not even long after that that you find yourself being slammed against Levi's office door, pale white hands running in the underneath of your shirt until they move rhythmically and quickly enough to snap it away from you without you even realising it. He commands you to wrap your legs around his waist and starts walking towards his office desk. He doesn't have to knock away a lot of things, just a few papers that stand in your way, because he'd hate himself if they were filled with cum.

His lips move furiously against yours and his tongue occasionally reaches out to merge with yours as his hands start losing their grip on your jaw. You can feel them run down your abdomen only to come to rest against the buckles of your belt. You don't expect that he's going to be so quick with his movements when you feel him tagging your pants down to your ankles yet he doesn't even care to take them completely off. His pants, that follow up right next, come to have the same fate as yours. 

You're both panting and groaning like animals, doing your best to keep quiet yet failing miserably at it. Your heart is beating up so fast and so hard that it's the only thing you can hear. Levi's hands grip harshly on your ankles and they lift your legs upwards. That's the only time he's breaking his lips away from yours, to command you to stay like that and you take the hint even though you can't completely focus on his voice. Your chest is heaving up and down, your back is arching and soft mewls leave your lips as you feel yourself throbbing and squirming the moment you feel Levi's tip come in touch with you. Your head is spinning so fast and your throat is all but dry when Levi finally moves the slightest bit forward, allowing his tio to find your entrance.

"Levi." An incoherent sound comes out of his mouth as he kisses along your jaw, your cheeks anyhwere he can reach. He seems so desperate and eager to touch you as if he's been holding back for so long that he just can't hold it anymore. There's a beast like look in his eyes, a ravaging coldness that's sending chills down your spine. You wonder if you'll ever be able to speak what you have to say. 

"I'm a virgin"

And just like that, all of his movements cease to exist. He takes a step away from you, letting your legs go and looking away, as if to preserve some modesty and moves to put his pants back on. You can't help but whine or try to pull him close to you but he just won't budge. He can't even look you in the face as you speak to him, begging to continue what had happened, mostly because he doesn't want to give in to you right now.

"Dress up, because we're not doing anything if you're not sober."

_____

However it certainly doesn't help that he's sat on his chair, topless, trying his best to focus on that paper in front of him when your hands are all over him. He can't let you win over in this. He's adamant about not taking your virginity when you're under alcohol's influence but he's not going to be able to hold on for any longer of you keep this up.

"What are you even doing you brat?"

"Just massaging you, you're so tense."

But he's not having it. He knows exactly where your fingers trace, he's spent endless of sleepless night staring at the scars on his body. There are some of them that adorn the sharp features of his face, and he seems to mind, definitely a lot, especially as he isn't getting any younger. These scars are going to be there forever because he can never escape his past, even though he isn't going to regret his choices.

He definitely freezes in place, inking pen falling from the tips of his fingers as he feels your soft lips rest upon the crook of his neck. His skin is tingling, hurting even, heart best in anticipation as he waits for your next movement. A small smacking sound fills the air and Levi lets out an embarrassingly loud groan. Nothing has left him feeling like this before. He can't help but let out all those tiny little whipers as you begin to kiss around song every little scar on his back and forearms. He's so startled when you move around, fingers still tracing small flaws on his skin while your body is coming to rest on his lap. 

He feels as if the insides of his stomach turn and toss and form painful combs and in the moment he realises he can't possibly hold back anymore. He's tried to contain himself so hard, but he's unable to do that when you bury your hand in the crook of his neck, placing kisses down his clavice, his chest. He hisses, as if he is in pain, as if he's going to burst because of your touch and takes a good look at your form before he manages to even utter a single word. He brings his hand to your face in the most affectionate way and pulls your head a little further away from his naked skin, just enough that you can look at him.

"Your first time shouldn't be with someone like me." He doesn't dare to allow his vouce to crack. His tone is firm and demanding although it's radiating the caring and warm tone of this profound intimacy between the two of you. You can't help but avert your gaze and try to bury your head in his chest again, but he won't let you; his grip in your face tightenes as he's looking at you with a tender expression.

"I don't care."

"You'll do when we're both sober enough."

"No I won't."

Nonetheless the two of you don't dare say another word to ruin the mood. The tention in the air is already enough to be out with a knife and your arythmic breaths fill the air. Levi's decision is already taken, whether he wants it or not, whether or he's able to understand how could someone want to have him as their first.

He can't help but wonder about that as you lay underneath him with your hair sprawled across the comfortable pillows of his bed, his rough, calloused fingers running soft trails alongside your ribs. His mouth is on your neck, leaving long lingering kisses; he was ever so daring as to dart his tongue out to taste your skin every now and then or after he sucks particularly hard at one spot. He doesn't know how to take care of a virgin body, hell he doesn't even know why you trusted yours to him, but he tries his best to be extremely tender and soft. You don't deserve to have a bad memory of your first time, just like he did. No, he wouldn't allow himself to make you feel uncomfortable or hurt. 

His hands find your hips when his mouth reaches your lips once again. He presses his thumbs on your pelvic bones, running soothing circles along side of them. You moan as you feel his fingertips brush along your entrance in an exploring manner; once in a while his finger dipping in you. Your back arches and your lips break away from his and a wet smacking sound fills the air.

Once he's in, you settle for burying your head in the crook his neck, placing one more kiss to the scar that rests proudly there. "I stitched that" you exclaim softly in an attempted to forget about the pain and Levi can't help but chuckle at you, his lips finding a scar along your torso, leaving a wet kiss upon it. He's going crazy due to the shivers that run through him, the sensation of being pulled in by your warmth is unbearable and he's challenging himself as to not move in any way he could hurt you. 

"Yes, yes you did." Deep inside him, he's more than happy that he's in this situation with you out of all people and he pushes past the fact that he's unsure of the outcome, because soldiers are not supposed to dedicate their hearts to nothing but humanity, right?

That night was was probably the first time in his life he's heard that he's beautiful, in any way, but he still contimplates on whether he's going to stay hung upon those words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated and thanks for reading all of this, because my friends let's be honest I suck at amut and I'm the biggest cocktease 
> 
> JSBAHAHAHAHHWBEYEGEGEGEGYEEGGEGEGEGE I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON'T ABANDON ME AFTER THIS.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Happy New Year to all of you babes. I know there's NO excuse that I've been gone for so long and I'm terribly sorry. Life has gotten in my way and I had nor time or inspiration to write. 
> 
> I guess this chapter is helping me ease up to the story back again. I'm struggling with love issues so sorry in advance if this seems as if it's dry from that perspective.
> 
> Anyways I hope your 2019 is filled with hope and happiness.

Levi doesn't really believe in such things as luck simply because there's never been enough evidence in his life to convince him that things were supposed to go some certain way. So in all honesty he doesn't know why he's standing alone on a dining table, chuckling down a bitter and intoxicating alcoholic drink while being thankful of his luck that Mike had found you on that day. With you being in the capital, Levi didn't have to at least endure the pain of seeing _your_ lifeless body alongside the ones of his teammates.

The hair in the back of his neck was sitting uncomfortably against his shirt as he felt a tremendous knot starting to form inside his ribcase, his heart ready to burst at any given moment. He didn't want to have to go through this again. He hated loss, he hated losing everyone he ever cared about in this goddamned world, he hated being alone. And most of all he hated to admit that there were sheer, hot tears, running down his cheeks.

He didn't sleep that night, or any other night that week as a matter of fact.

_____

The amount of innocent, civilian bodies you have to take care of after the capturing of the Female Titan is tremendously high. High enough to even make your stomach churn a little at the idea that you were once part of the scouts. Other soldiers of your clan dont even know how to react at the outcome of this massive massacre that laid before their eyes and truth was, it's been a while since you've seen something comparable to this.

It is later on that day you are announced that you are the one in charge of writing down the files of those who were declared as deceased in the latest mission of the scouts and at this point you convince yourself that you should not have accepted that after having already witnessed a massacre.

Your whole world is collapsing as you read the list of names that is given to you and memories of good times flash through your brain. You feel guilty and faint as you reach Petra's name and then Eld's and Gunther's and Oluo's. They're all dead. Unable to see the light of day again, unable to sit on that work out table in the dining hall and drink and laugh and live and talk about small nothings. 

As if that's not enough, a few days later you have to take a break from your responsibilities as a soldier as it reaches to you that your father has let out his last breath. The days -and nights- that follow are heavy and almost unable to bear with. You keep on going over the letter your father has left you about not wanting you to keep refusing to meet your real father. You don't want to accept that it's real, or as a matter of fact, you don't want to accept that your grandparents were the people who brought you up pretending to be your parents because their daughter got knocked up at a young age.

A few more days pass and you feel as if you're ready to accept that loss is loss and that you have to move on when you learn that Mike and the rest of the team is as dead as it gets. You have no idea how to get over this. You have no idea how to cope up with this, how to cope up with so many losses at once. It all feels as if you're being shot in the damn heart multiple times.

New travel pretty fast; Levi's awfully aware of that, but still he's surprised when you find him and the team, pledging all your trust to them. Things are definitely awkward at first, you haven't seen him in so long that you didnt even remember the exact tone of his eyes. Yet you don't speak a word about whatever has happened between the two of you. The only thing he tells you is that he hates to tell you that you'd be considered a criminal for this but upon seeing that you don't mind he wastes no time to recruit you. Hange seems happy to be able to be close to you again and the kids of the team are every respectful and soft spoken, even if you're only a few years older than them.

___

"I don't see him sir!" You exclaim as you watch the girl next to Levi fall lifelessly to the cold, hard ground. Levi refuses to speak for a second; he's trying to think of _anything_ he can do to prevent this, without dying, because it seems that Kenny is targeting his comrades first. 

And then a deafening sound fleets the air and all you can think about is protecting the raven haired man. Before you even know it there's blood. Carmine red blood is oozing from your abdomen the moment the gun of your enemy goes off and it takes you about half a second to realise it. Your eyes suddenly widen but no scream escapes your lips as you start losing control of your 3DMG gear. 

You're falling so fast that you're sure you're going to snap your neck and break your back once your collision with the ground happens. You wish it was different. You wished you didn't have have to go like that but the sharp pain in your abdomen reminds you there's only a few times you can fool death.

You'd never forgive yourself if you hadn't taken that shot for Levi. You can't take no more losses and maybe it's better that way. You couldn't even endure the pain of your current losses, you wouldn't even phantom what it'd feel to do so with Levi's.

Levi lets out a frustrated and ranged filled 'Kenny' and before he goes on full attack mode against the man, you feel your eyes getting way too heavy to keep open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked and thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you liked it.


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